When are you going to have kids?

A question most of us ask without too much thought but I guess it’s a question we shouldn’t really ask as quite frankly it isn’t our business but most importantly we have no idea what is going on in anyone’s life. 

I remember being asked this question or similar, soooo many times and I’d laugh and say “ah plenty time yet” but honestly deep down inside it was killing me! I wanted a baby so so bad but it just wasn’t happening and I didn’t want to tell everyone that so I just had to keep making a joke of it. When I think back now I wish I was braver to say what was going on, I wish I had of said please don’t ask me anymore, if it ever happens you’ll soon know about it as I’ll be shouting it from the roof tops, I wish I’d have been able to share with more people how I was feeling day in and day out so I wouldn’t have felt so alone even though I knew I wasn’t, there are loads of people in the same situation but rarely do we know this until one of us share it! Don’t get me wrong I had my family and friends to talk to I am lucky I have amazing people in my life that I can share such things with but I’m not sure if it’s just me that thinks this or not, sometimes talking to strangers is kind of easier as you don’t feel like they’ll be worrying about you then or that you’re burdening them with your problems, you’re simply sharing the same difficulties as them and you help pull each other through. 

Funny thing is when I started treatment, I did tell a lady who I used to babysit for and she shared some information with me which ended up being what helped me fall pregnant. Imagine if I hadn’t told her and I didn’t take her advice, my life could have been very different. I guess my point is, if I were to turn back the clocks I would have been more open and in a way I’m kind of encouraging you to open up too if you’re experiencing something like this, it is more common than you realise and you never know who may be able to help you. 

Thankfully I’ve since given birth to three beautiful boys and my life is complete and now at this stage exactly how I imagined but yet I still get this

Do you want a girl or 

Do you wish you’d a girl or

You’ll have to go again to get the girl or

Best yet, you’ll have to put a dishcloth under the bed next time to get a girl 

Lol seriously?! But I get it, it’s a natural thought for people as I know for some of you, you will wish you’d a girl/boy, I don’t judge you for feeling that way at all, we’re all different and I guess deep down, being honest, I may have been slightly disappointed if my last baby was a girl, I loved the thought of having all boys so again no judgement here but there’s two things that do bug me 

  1. Pity, people feeling sorry for me because I don’t have a girl
  2. People asking/saying things in front of my boys

I remember sitting waiting for an appointment one day with my newborn baby and the other two boys when two ladies across from me started to discuss me among themselves but I could hear them say sure look at Sarah all boys etc and I swear it took all my courage not to cry and give out to them, ask them what’s wrong with these three handsome men that God so graciously gifted me with, three little miracles no matter what sex they are, I was just so grateful that the boys were to young to understand any of it but that is the day I made the decision that I’ll never sit back and let anyone say things like that in-front of my boys again because I don’t ever want them feeling anything less than the amazing human beings that they are. 

I want them knowing they are more than enough, we’re not missing anything in our life’s, that they fill us with so much joy and complete us 100% !! 

So please guys before you ask/speak, please have a think, is it someone close enough to you that you can do this, are you able to offer value/support them if they do want it, could your question/statement hurt them or others around them. My thought process is, if you’re just wondering don’t ask, if you think they might like to talk about then do.

If you are reading this and you’d like someone to have a chat with please do feel free to msg me. I can’t guarantee I’ll always know what to say, but I will always have an ear to listen and sometimes that’s all it takes to lift some of that weight from our shoulders and that pain in our hearts xx

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